this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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