i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
