Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
