Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
