I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
