So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
