Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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