I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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