My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
