that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
