i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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