her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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