Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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