so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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