he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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