worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
