she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize