he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She told me I should be a condom model.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
