k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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