if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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