Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
