you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
