Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
