did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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