So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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