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I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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