Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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