Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I could make wine with my vomit
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
