I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
