I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I am one with the molecules
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
