____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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