i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
