Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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