Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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