I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
