dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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