The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is the high leading the old right now
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
