you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
