I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
