Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
