Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
