omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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