my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I fill condoms, not promises.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
