oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
