Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
