I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
