Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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