a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
