I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
