I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
