I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
