His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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