; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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