He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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