I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
