I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
