I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
