You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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