Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
