He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
