soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
