Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
