We won't sleep together?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
