im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
