I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
