Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
