It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
