Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
