tell your sister to shave her snatch
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
