Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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